Morbidity

I came back to work from a 2 1/2 week vacation to find that the system our clients use on a regular basis to update all of their information has been down for a week.

Oh, and two days prior to my return, a man had, next to our building which employs hundreds of people, in the afternoon of a work day, climbed on a bench, tied a rope around a tree branch, and hung himself.

Most of the employees were having a barbecue on the other side of the building. The young man who found him, an intern, saw who he thought was someone just standing on the bench looking at the 401 which runs parallel to the street our offices are on. The intern actually yelled out, "Checking out the traffic?" The rope was obscured by the branches. When there was no reply, the intern went back in. Later, someone else came across the body.

Though I wasn't at work when it happened, the fact that my walk into and out of work every day takes me near the tree makes it feel a little personal, especially since I'm one of only a handful of people who take that route. I saw the bench on my way home that first day, and it was gone the next morning. Seeing it once was enough for me to imagine the whole episode and send my mind reeling.

What was later learned, passed down through the only few witnesses, was that he was well-dressed and youngish to middle-aged. Apparently, he did not work at the site.

Our building is not easy to get to, by foot or car. I suppose any reason why he chose that spot is unnerving. He might have scoped out the place and found just the right time to kill himself — while everyone was busy having a BBQ. The idea that he might have planned it that way and had been scoping out the place is unsettling.

However, he also might have just been walking around randomly. Woods border the south and east sides of the building with two paths to the location. He could have been looking for the right branch and decided that that tree and that bench offer the best possibility.

In the latter case, though, he would have had to have known the possibility of being caught before he could finish. This adds a rather sad element in that perhaps he was keeping open the possibility of someone coming along and stopping him.

Of course, there is much more to think about than the "how." Having no idea about "why" is also a pretty stubborn thought. Not why he would kill himself in general — I've unfortunately had moments in my life that make me understand the ways people can get to that point — but more specifically. Why that way, and why then?

That he was well-dressed makes me wonder if money played an issue, but I have no idea. I'm unlikely to find out anything else about the man. Details of people who commit suicide, if not celebrities or not taking anyone else with them, don't tend to make it into the news. So I'm left wondering.

I also think about the young intern who saw him but didn't realize he was dead, and the person who came across him next. In what ways will this change their lives?

I'm having trouble shaking this.

You don't need ghosts to haunt you as long you are alive and able to have thoughts about those who aren't.